Tuesday, 2 September 2014

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” ~ Lane Olinghouse

It has been a fantastic summer holidays for us and is now only t-minus 24hrs until minibrum returns to school, but first today is 10hrs of babysitting. My favourite mum friend has returned to her life as a teacher today and as her two eldest ( masterbrum-6 and littlebrum-4) are coming to ours for the day to play.
  Now ,all three of the children are delightful, they are also very, very stubborn. And today I am alone with them. I figure the only way through is to semi-live blog this play date and then post it for your enjoyment while I take a very long bath in vodka.
   7.55am- Arrival. 7.56am- first request for snack appears. 7.58am-second request for snack appears, sent away and told to build an appetite for snack through play. 8.15am-littlebrum appears and tells me she is 'definitely' dying of hiccoughs as her body is moving. 8.30am- All three children appear with playdoh creations for judging. Ask if children have kept playdoh on wooden floor as requested and not on mini's brand new rug. Bedroom door is slammed hurriedly. This does not bode well.
  8.45am- remember I haven't had breakfast yet. Make toast. Masterbrum appears to query if I am having snack behind their back. Looks very suspicious at my denial. New request for snack made. Denied.

  8.50am, check room... purple rug now has orange playdoh blob decoration. Jigsaws, teddies, playdoh and Sylvanian teddies obliterate rug. Order tidy up before more games commence. Re-told to tidy 4 times. Threaten to throw snacks in bin. Room tidied double quick. Rug still orange.
 9.05am. Children decide to play loom bands. 9.06am No child can remember how to do loom bands. 9.07am I hide in living room to avoid admitting I cannot make loom bands either! 9.25am. First request to release the cat, say no as cat sleeping. Real reason, cat does not need the terror. Also am saving the cat for 3pm when I run out of ideas. Order 30mins of no requests if they want snack at 10am. Miraculous silence!

 10.05am snack given, only sound of chewing remains for around two seconds. Room now covered in Lego, I am informed they cannot tidy the Lego as it is actually minibrums bones and she must be re-assembled in the doctors game first. Leave room and hear them start new game called 'zombie snakes' I guess my daughter remain de-boned.  10.20am first tears! (bet it is not the last) Enter hallway, Operation lies on floor with masterbrum hogging, minibrum sobbing and littlebrum desperate to grass them both up. Force a toilet break to stop the moodiness. Backfires into fight over order of weeing. First time out actioned.
  10.50am colouring gets pulled out along with the magic scissor sets. This is a winner!
  Peace abounds until 11.20am when minibrum gets smacked with a flag. I did not know we owned this particular flag (apparently I am missing the point). I request second tidy up. Request denied. Pulling out big guns I take the park/playground off the table until room is tidy. Two out of three children comply. In rotation. Other child taking it in turns to get told off. 11.40 I pull out the box of junk that has no other position in mini's room. This game must hold them until the cottage pie is complete. I give a series of key words that they must put in the scenario of play and use every toy in the box. There is a tiara on the t-rex and a pair of build a bear flip flops on a gorilla. I sneak out to cook.

12pm ask the children to decide between themselves which movie they would like to watch during dinner and when dinner is 'going down' pre playground visit. What a rookie error!! The ensuing 'discussion' makes question time look like a  zingzillas sing along. Enchanted, Mrs Doubtfire and Lego Movie on the table.. I go to finish mash... Now Mulan, Croods and Night at the Museum is under debate!! At least no-one mentioned Frozen yet.
12.20pm Despicable Me 2 goes on.  My choice. Two children declare lunch amazing, of course third is not so sure! (I will await Mr.H's deciding vote later)
13.34pm Gru is fab, children are in a post lunch daze. 7 minutes quiet! Then request for snack.

2pm Park, worth taking my book ?
2.12pm nope. watch this, watch this WATCH THIS MUUUUUM!!!

3.25pm.. When did it get so hot?! All the kids have come back sweltering and complaining about the heat in their jeans. The living room and bedroom have been slowly burning up. Mini has no problems here grabbing a skirt ,but in desperation Master is now strolling around in some blue scallop edged shorts and Littlebrum is in an old summer school dress of Mini's that is sliding off her! Just told them they were all pirates now and off they run to walk the plank!

3.42pm When they come in and start with 'this is the truth i am telling now' or 'w-w-what happened isssss' I know trouble is brewing. I'm shutting them down with a vimto ice lolly. My parenting is immense today.

3.50pm Blowing bubbles and playing dragons and princes is the next best winner of the day, taking us until 4.20pm when they are beyond fatigued with each other and apparently the entire world. I read them a story with my best voices for eight pages. Look up, they are pulling faces at each other and pointing at the TV! (repeats mantra.. school tomorrow,less than two hours now)

4.45pm Cat is pulled out of emergency box (my bedroom) I gave her a go-get-em tiger salute and pelted away before she realised the full extent of my treachery. I will be forced to hand over many many chicken pieces to this animal later.

5.03pm I switch kettle on with a cuppa, the small click sets off the alarm in every child's brain that mum may be  winding now. I am faced with tales of deep betrayal of the siblings and the grand love of minibrum and masterbrum. It will never last, neither of them like a vacuum!

5.32pm.. Rescued by the new brums Dad, both of us repeating the school tomorrow mantra. All children distraught at the end of 'the most fabulous day'.

5.45pm Minibrum waved off to her own Dad's for the night, clutching a card she made with the magic scissors. On it is a picture of his wedding to his girlfriend (that he has not yet proposed to) with some suggestions for a dress.

5.50pm. Is it too early for a drink?

 Here ends the day.. Anyone know how to get playdoh out of the rug ? 

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