Friday, 29 August 2014

''Why is there a pair of pants on your ear ''- Me

Minibrum went to a party on Monday.. Apparently a patient zero was there handing out the gifts of vomiting bug. As such while she (and 28 of the 30 kids at the party ouch!) recover you get my waffle on life rather than my waffle on days out.

  Given how amazingly organised and together I appear in these blogs ( pause for laughter) it may come as a surprise to hear that I am one of those women who only discovers they are pregnant late on... 24 weeks late on to be precise. A strange series of hospitalisation and illness meant I only realised when the kicking could no longer feasibly be put down to indigestion. Still, we got very clear ultrasound pics!

When telling all my friends and family of my rather unexpected ( but still happily wanted) pregnancy I ended each chat with 'Well, we will never be this surprised again! .. How wrong I was.  Having a child is continually the most surprising thing I have ever done. Those who knew me before pregnancy may lean towards saying I was...  stubborn tenacious and a pain in the ass challenging and yet post pregnancy I was so mellow yellow I was nearly beige. So after cuddling minibrum and talking her through  baby pics while she recovers I have remembered some of the mortifying unusual things she has said to me, and the most unexpected things I have had to say to her ...


After having fashion explained to her
'Why don't you have any sense of style yet Mum?'

This outfit started style-gate. 

On being asked what she wanted be when she grew up
'A teacher, as the kids are doing ALL the work in my class'

Explaining her Step Parents to a friend on a Play Date 
'It means Santa comes to two houses and I get a double lot of love... and presents.'

During a discussion about music I loved growing up 
'Was it the first or second world war happening then Mum?'

On being asked why if she is in charge of the cat she does not sort the litter tray
'You told me it was not your job to tidy my room just because you look after same with cat'
Strong opinions on cleaning!

On her own future parenting after being refused chocolate
'My kids will be allowed to do whatever they want as adults forget that kids know best'

On Naughty Words 
Mini: 'I heard you say the Naughty S word'
Me : (panicky)' What is the naughty S word then?'
Mini: 'Stupid, you told me to always say silly. '
Me: 'Phew! '

Eating in a nice restaurant
'Will one of these servants not bring me ketchup?, they do on Television!'
 On playing wild animals
'I stopped it eating nanny in the village so now I am subduing it!'
Thankfully we have outgrown this game

To her teacher after slipping off a stool in a satin dress whilst drinking lemonade while we drank wine in Portugal
 'Mum got me drunk on holiday until I fell over'

My own favourite parenting moments :

After I left her birthday cake on the sofa while I picked up rubbish  
'Where is the other half of that cake ?!'

Caught chocolate handed

After the doorbell rang while I was looking for clothes in the hall 
'Do not open the front door to the postman until I have a towel wrapped around me'

When I foolishly had a nap after she saw what a hairdresser did 
'Is that my hair on the floor?'

When I wondered why it was so quiet when she was playing wash day
'Why is the cat in the washing machine?'

The escape!

When I told her she was not old enough to learn how to put on makeup

'Glue is for crafts not for your eyelids'

At my Dad's car door after a day on the beach
'That jellyfish is not coming home with us'

During the silence after the question "If any of you has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now''

Good job she was cute.
I'd better go, it is suspiciously quiet in the bedroom..

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